• Take Charge… Stop Playing the Victim

  Filed under Shift Perspective
  Dec 29

  Audio:  Take Charge… Stop Playing the Victim [Time - 8:16, File Size - 7.7 MB]

  “Life Law #2: You create your own experience.
  Strategy:  Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating results….
  Life Law #4:  You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
  Strategy: Get real with yourself about life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn’t working in your life. Stop making excuses and start making results…
  Life Law #5:  Life rewards action.
  Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger. Learn that the world couldn’t care less about thoughts without actions…”

  – Dr. Phil McGraw in Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters

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  These three Life Laws can be truly empowering. When I feel victimized by other people or circumstances that are “beyond my control,” I step back and mentally run through these Laws.

  Here’s an example: Let’s say I have an ongoing relationship with a client who is driving my project teams crazy by making last minute changes to every project’s deliverables. Here’s how I might apply these Laws:

  1. First, apply Life Law 2: … (“You create your own experience… Understand your role in creating results.”)  I say to myself: “So… I guess I have to admit that, by repeatedly allowing this client to make these last minute changes, I am reinforcing this behavior. And I’m setting her expectations that last minute changes are okay. In other words, I’m helping to create these results!”
  2. Next, apply Life Law 4: (“Be truthful…stop making excuses and start making results.”)  I say to myself: “OK. The truth is, we always use well-documented project plans (with clear specifications) that we all agree to, right up front. By continually making last-minute changes to our projects’ spec’s, she’s actually violating our informal “contracts” with each other.
  3. Finally, apply Life Law 5: (“Make careful decisions then pull the trigger…”) Finally, I say to myself: “So, I’ve decided: I can’t allow this to go on! She’s causing too many schedule and cost overruns! There must be consequences. The next time she insists on last minute changes, I’ll simply extend the schedule (demanding more time) or charge her more money for our increased labor costs. (And, from now on, I’ll make sure she more actively participates in defining our project spec’s.) In other words, I’ll take fair, reasonable action.”

  The results: In this example, I applied these Life Laws to take charge of the situation and stop being the victim!

  Greers Challenges…

  Reflections

  Reflect on these questions:

  • What are our team’s main sources of frustration?
  • What is our role in creating (or accepting or perpetuating) these frustrations?
  • Are we making excuses for ourselves or others who are contributing to these frustrations?
  • What excuses could we (should we) abandon?
  • What specific actions should we take to change things for the better… to remove these frustrations?

  Team Challenges

  Ask your team:

  • What frustrations have you decided to simply endure?
  • What (who) are the real sources of these frustrations?
  • Are you making any excuses for the people who are contributing these frustrations? List them… Are these excuses legitimate?
  • Could we abandon any of the excuses we are making for people and simply take action to make things better?
  • What specific actions should we take as a team to change things for the better… to remove these frustrations… or stop playing the victim?

  Project Manager Challenges

  • Notice your team members’ frustrations.
  • In a calm, offline place (at lunch, after work, in a semi-social setting, etc.) gently try to open a discussion of these frustrations.
  • Discuss any or all the questions above (Team Challenges). While doing so:
    • Make sure each team member who participates in this discussion feels safe from recrimination.
    • Listen!
    • Avoid being defensive or explaining away their complaints.
    • Encourage people to feel supported and empowered to remove these frustrations and excuses by taking specific actions.
  • Remember: Find the frustrations, challenge the excuses that allow them to continue, and encourage team members to bravely take action (with your support) to remove the frustrations and the excuses that enable them.

  Learn More…

  • Review Dr. Phil’s Ten Life Laws.
  • Get explanations, assignments, and worksheets at the Self Matters section of Dr. Phil McGraw’s website.
  • Get the abridged audio version (narrated by the author) of Dr. Phil McGraw’s Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters from LearnOutLoud.
  • Check out Dr. Phil’s Life Strategies Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Change Your Life on Amazon

  Tagged as: authority, authority versus responsibility, client control, customer control, deliverables, overload, personal responsibility, project estimating, project scope, project size, responsibility, schedule
  
  1 Comment

One Response to “Take Charge… Stop Playing the Victim”

1. 

   Cathy said on December 26th, 2008 at 8:13 am

   This is so cool! I am trying to do that

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